dan nyawa yang satu

22 tahun....

and i've received so much love from all of you...

Bapak was the scariest person for me, and still he is...
i think i know now how troubling it was for him to make me behaved...

"in a few hours from now u be reaching to a new height in your life. My little girl has become a young n mature lady. As a father seieng you growing up so fast makes me proud of you. May Allah Almighty gives the loves, protections, blessings and your wishes to come true always in your life ahead. wishing you many happy returns of the day. 'Happy Birthday'."

Bapak was the first to send me the 22nd birthday message. I think, he's like me... so incompetent when expressing his feeling verbally. hehhee... I think, that makes him chumel... I love you, bapak!

Ibu pulak...
Usually she's not talkative. But, try making her angry...she would nag and nag and nag all day...hehehe
I should understand that that wouldn't be the case if she didn't care...

Her microphone wasn't working, so, I spent the day looking at ibu via skype. She typed, and I talked. Did she wish me for my birthday? She struggled at first, coz she's not used to it. And it didn't bother me too, coz, I know she knows that I know she knows. get what i mean??

The one who is always excited on birthdays is my Kak Wa. She loves cakes. But only cakes from SWEEDEN bakery. Nope. It's not as stylish as Secret Recipe, but I think it has a better feel on your tastebuds; my tastebuds. Haish...two birthdays without Kak Wa's favourite Black Forest cake...I'm so gonna ask her to buy me one when I reach Malaysia! InsyaAllah (mati tak tahu bila huhu)...

Growing up in a family who's not used to having birthday celebrations, having a group of people singing me birthday songs have already overwhelmed me. OK. OK. No crying ok.

So, my dear family and friends, jazakallah for all the gifts and for all the love you gave me... Allah je boleh balas. Amin.

oh! and the mee goreng and nasi ayam! how can I forget food that filled up my heart?? hehehe

things to ponder

ralat: WHAT'S YOUR DEFINITION OF MODESTY?

escapism

escapism? kronik...

kenapa? kenapa? kenapa?
sebab...

tak sabar...
tak kuat...
tak tahu?...(T_T)

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station....What more can I say.

Al-Hasyr

Semalam adalah satu perkongsian ruhani yang sangat panjang (7pm hingga 1am), tapi tidak mencukupi (tidak melegakan dahaga kami, (Masyitah 2009)). Dari satu topik ke topik yang lain, isunya menular :)

Usrah dimulakan dengan tadabbur surah Al-Hasyr. 24 ayat yang begitu mendalam maknanya.

Ayat 1: "Apa yang ada di langit dan apa yang ada di bumi bertasbih kepada Allah..."

Pernah tak bila hati gundah, atau jiwa resah, kita keluar dari rumah dan duduk menikmati bunyi-bunyi alam? Bunyi ombak, bunyi angin yang menderu, bunyi rintik hujan... semuanya menjadi halwa telinga yang menenangkan. Menenangkan. Bunyi-bunyi alam itu sebenarnya satu orkestra tasbih yang tak henti-henti dari daun pokok, awan di langit mahupun batu yang tersembunyi di balik rumput. Sesuai untuk menjadi santapan otak yang penat.

Pernah ke masjid di mana penghuninya sentiasa melantunkan alunan tasbih berpanjangan? Katakanlah pula, hari yang dilawati itu, ada majlis tahlil. Sanggup tak kalian melakukan maksiat di dalam masjid? Aurat pun kalian begitu berhati-hati menjaganya.

Bagaimana pula kalau kalian cuma dikelilingi alam? Walhal, alam ini tidak henti-henti berzikir, tak henti-henti bertasbih. Atau, adakah kalian cuma tidak melakukan maksiat kerana takut dilihat manusia?

Dalam surah Al-Hasyr, ayat 13: Sesungguhnya dalam hati mereka, kamu (muslimin) lebih ditakuti daripada Allah.

Siapakah 'mereka' yang dimaksudkan dalam ayat 13 ini? 'Mereka' merujuk kepada orang-orang munafik. Takut pada manusia lebih daripada takutkan Allah, adalah ciri-ciri orang munafik. Sebabnya, mereka cuma tidak melakukan sesuatu kesalahan apabila ada orang lain di sekeliling. Walhal, yang menjadi penentu terakhir nasib di Akhirat nanti adalah Allah SWT.

Al-Hasyr, ayat 18: Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bertakwalah kepada Allah dan hendaklah setiap orang memperhatikan apa yang telah diperbuatnya untuk hari esok (akhirat), dan bertakwalah kepada Allah. Sungguh, Allah Mahateliti terhadap apa yang kamu kerjakan.

Takwa itu merujuk kepada perasaan takut dan mengharap. Jadi, kalau benar-benar mahu beriman, bertakwalah hanya kepada Allah.

Surah ini juga menyarankan umat Islam bersatu dan jangan gentar terhadap musuh. Kadang-kadang kita lihat golongan yang menentang Islam amat kuat kerana pergabungan mereka. Namun, Allah sudah berfirman, "...kamu kira mereka itu bersatu padahal hati mereka terpecah belah..." (al-Hasyr: 14).

Kuatnya umat Islam, kerana mereka bersatu. Lihat sahaja pada sejarah bangsa Arab yang sememangnya hidup berpuak-puak sebelum Islam. Sentiasa bertelagah dan menjatuhkan kabilah yang lain. Namun, apabila Islam datang, dalam kisah hijrah contohnya, Rasulullah SAW mempersaudarakan golongan Muhajirin dan Ansar. Kuatnya Islam itu kerana adanya ikatan yang kuat antara hati-hati orang mukmin, dengan izin Allah.

Musuh Islam sangat takut pada kekuatan persaudaraan orang Mukmin. Dan kekuatan inilah yang mahu dilenyapkan mereka. Jalannya? Tanamkan hasad dengki dalam jiwa orang mukmin terhadap saudara mereka.

Bahayanya hasad dengki sudah diceritakan dalam al-Quran berulang kali. Pertama, dengki Iblis pada Adam yang mendapat kemuliaan sehinggakan Iblis berjaya menghasut Adam mendekati pohon terlarang. Kedua, dengki Qabil pada Habil sehinggakan Qabil mengambil tindakan drastik membunuh saudaranya. Ketiga, dengkinya saudara nabi Yusuf sehingga menjadi daya penggerak mereka membuang Yusuf ke dalam telaga.

Perasaan dengki ini, bak kata Mira, tak dapat dikawal bila munculnya. Tapi, boleh dikawal penularannya. Macam kanser, yang tak dapat dijangka kemunculannya, tapi ada penyembuh yang berkesan jika dapat dikenalpasti semenjak awal.

"Ya Tuhan kami, ampunilah kami dan saudara-saudara kami yang telah beriman terlebih dahulu dari kami, dan janganlah Engkau tanamkan kedengkian dalam hati kami terhadap orang-orang yang beriman. Ya Tuhan kami, sungguh, Engkau Maha Penyantun, Maha Penyayang." (Al-Hasyr: 10)

coz it's yours

I went to Poundland and bought a cheap microphone. Yea! Finally I could videocall my family in Terengganu (I accidently stepped on my previous mic and crushed it under my heavy foot T_T). I was so excited that the first thing I did (when I went back into my room) was to unpacked the mic and plugged it in. hehehe. Excited.

Ok. I dialled my house number. Ring...ring...ring....

"Hello?" oh, Kak Wa picked up the phone.

"Hello, Wa! Kak Long ni!" I couldn't stopped smiling.

"Hello?" eh....

"Hello, Wa. Tak dengar ke?"

"Hello? Hello? Hello?" ....Kak Wa kept on repeating 'hello' like a broken record. I looked at the mic. CIS! KLIK. Kak Wa was no longer on the line.

Yup. The one-pound mic didn't function the way it should have been. I was very frustrated and threw it away immediately.

**************************

If there is something that you own, fails to perform the way you want it to be... will you, as the producer or creator, throw it away? You can, if you want. You can do whatever you want with it, because it's yours...right?

So, if there is something that Allah owns, fails to perform the way He wants it to be... will He, as the producer or creator, throw it away? Allah Almighty can, if He wants. He can do whatever He wants with it, because it's His...right?

Logically, a creation that fails to perform the way it should be, is just as good as being thrown away, right? If we, humanbeings (which existance are to be the 'abid' to Allah and 'khalifah' on earth) fail to meet the expectations, shouldn't Allah just make us vanish from His sight?

Oh....

But Allah didn't do so. His love is greater than any love. That's why He provides us 'time', the prophets and the Qur'an to help us find the purpose of our creation.

*Ok. What will I feel if my microphone could be repaired? Walaweh! Mesti la happy~~ Akan ku lap mikrofon tu setiap hari*

Can you imagine, how please Allah is if His servants finally submit to Him? Allah is too happy that He's willing to provide a house in the jannah to those who perform Fajr prayer. Woha! 5 minutes of ibadah, and you get a house for eternity?? T.T too generous....

pain being alone

when you feel all alone in this world, and there's nobody to count your tears...just remember no matter where you are, Allah knows.

This is part of the lyric of the song that helped me to get through all the pains. Recently, I felt distanced; from my friends and families. As if everyone's avoiding me. That was torturous. But then, I reflected on my relationship with Allah SWT. Did my relationship with Allah went worse day by day? Did I forget Him when I have all other people surrounded me with happiness?

So, it's all my fault.

Once, a brother from Egypt told me, "If you feel that your relationship with humanbeings is getting worse, reflect on your relationship with Allah first."

Fine. I'll try to improve my ibadah, mainly my solah, because that's the medium of communication between Allah and humanbeings.

But then, why did my relationship with other people has not getting any better?

Ye la... If you just stay there and do nothing, of course nothing will change. I mean, rather than waiting for everyone else to approach you, why don't you start first? Approach other people and mend the broken communication you've had with them. Fight the urge of 'trying to be someone in the limelight'. Syaitan would love to mislead you into thinking that you're 'the centre of the universe'. Nope. Tak perlu dilabel 'cool' oleh manusia di bumi untuk dipuji oleh penduduk langit.

Baik. Baiki hubungan dengan Allah adalah yang paling utama. Moga Allah kurniakan rahmatNya, dan bagi ketenangan dalam hati kita. Lepas tu, dapat ilham untuk perbaiki hubungan dengan manusia lain .... ada faham? (^^)

an act of prevention

What kind of teaching approach do you prefer?

Dictatorship?
Autocratic?

I remember those 'cikgu yang yang sangat garang'. I remember how punishments made me more cautious with my actions.

Punishment is an act of prevention. If you don't want to be punished, don't do it. Simple.

"If you miss the full-stops or the capital letters, I'll rip the page off." herk. Is the teacher being mean? (Situation in one of my school visit in Plymouth.)

I remember my Science teacher (let's call him Mr. A) in SKSS1, when I was in Year 6. There were a number us who didn't finish drawing 12 pictures of 'Hukum Tuas'. Mr. A asked the first student, "Berapa gambar kamu tak siap?" and the boy answered, "one". BEDEBUK! Mr. A gave the boy a full-swing slap on the back. The sound of the contact was enough to tell you how powerful the slap was. Mr. A went to the next person. "Berapa?", and the girl answered, "three". BUK! BUK! DBUK! Three times on her back. One for each picture. I stared at my science book. I only managed to draw three. Nine pictures were missing.... (T_T)

I remember my Physics teacher in SMKSS. He ripped my report about one of the experiments. 4 papers; 7 full pages. He returned the pieces to me with a smile. But, I took his challenge, and did a better report. I remember, half of the class were late for his class; arrived a few seconds after he went into the lab. He didn't let us in; locking the door from inside. But we know, it's a very important topic, and we needed to get the notes. Mr. T's notes. So, we peeked through the windows, and copied down the charts from the blackboards (there were 4blackboards!) and his verbal notes. After 30 minutes, he let us in. Phew...

....

Why am I telling you this? Oh ye, 'an act of prevention'. If you don't want to be punished, don't do it. Simple.

If you don't want to be locked outside the classroom, don't come late to class, etc.

....

Allah had already warned us in the Qur'an about his punishments to those who disobey Him. But, did we fear what Allah has prepared for those who disobey His commands? We know Allah never break His promise nor lie. Allah has mentioned that his punishments are beyond human's imagination. Muslim recorded that Abu Ishaq narrated from An-Nu`man bin Bashir that the Messenger of Allah said:

"Verily, the lightest punishment received by the people of the Hellfire will be a man who will have two sandals whose straps will be made of fire that will cause his brain to boil just as a cauldron boils. Yet he will not think that anyone is receiving a torment more severe than him, even though he will be receiving the lightest punishment of them."

But, little did we realize that Allah's punishments is but an act of prevention. If you don't want to taste the hellfire, submit to Allah with full submission. When Allah mentioned Jannah in the Qur'an, how many of us wanted to be in the beautiful paradise? Allah had described the paradise as beautiful as the human mind could imagine (though the Jannah is also beyond human's wildest imagination...). But, how many of us are willing to sacrifice the dunnia for the eternal happiness in Akhirah? Think. Allah's love for His creations is greater than the love of any teacher to the student, or any mother to the child.

sayonara jahiliyyah

I went to a Spring Camp last month, with a few of my friends.

There was a segment called 'Sayonara Jahiliyyah', and the content was delivered by one of the ikhwah (brother). I bet most of us know what 'sayonara' means. But, what is Jahiliyyah? It means anything that is not Islamic. So, in short, the title of segment invited us all to say goodbye to all the things that is not Islamic.

He said, jahiliyyah is like a chewing gum. It makes you stumble along your journey. That's what chewing gum does when it sticks to the shoe sole.

I know most of us had at least an experience with the annoying chewing gum. There would always be the 'chirt~chirt~' sound and there would be a few seconds of interruption when you walk. When you finally fed up with it and wanna clean your shoes, you have to SCRAP it off. Otherwise, you'll be frustrated and might even want to stop from going to your destination.

*********************

I spent nearly two weeks for muhasabah diri. I spent more time reading the Qur'an, more time on the praying mat... but at the same time, I stopped reading comics and stopped watching the dramas and movies.

Somehow, the next few days, I went back to my old routine (spending hours watching the movies/dramas and catching up with the mangas). And I realize, I wasn't paying attention during my salah; I kept on rushing to finish the rakaat, so that I could continue watching all those dramas/movies. I even skipped reading the Qur'an for the sake of the mangas. Ungrateful servant, am I, Ya Allah?

Slowly, I tried to fight the urge of rushing my salah or my Qur'an recitation. It annoys you a little, and pains you a whole lot. Because your heart is normally being fulfilled with those kind of things, and any change made would hurt a little bit. IT'S LIKE SCRAPPING THE WHOLE CHEWING GUM OFF FROM YOUR SHOE SOLE. Use any kind of method (bleach, knife, berus sabut?, etc); you'll experience bruises and cuts all over; BUT, at the end, insyaAllah, your SOUL will be as good as new. You'll become a better muslim.



Whatever things that keep you away from your ibadah, is the chewing gum. It just a matter of keeping it in or scrapping it off your soul.

hijab is my choice. titik.

"Dear young lady, tell me, tell me why do you cover your head?" an old patient asked me on one morning. "Tell me, now, why do you wear your scarf?"

I was thinking to explain the rationale of wearing the headscarf, but since she's an older person, I thought she'd understand if I say, "Because I love my God."

I didn't expect her to look at me in disbelief and said, "No! No! No..." with teary eyes.

"I love my God. This is how I show my love to Him." I tried to make her understand that hijab is simply my choice; no one forced me since the beginning.

"NO," she held my hands tighter, and pulled me closer to her. "No, no. Let me see your skin (her eyes wondered around, but my attire only allowed my face and my hands to be seen). OH! You don't even show a bloody skin! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm very emotional when it comes to this matter."

('matter' apa? Women's rights la)

"You know, my friends and I had fought for the rights for a long time."

.........

That reminded me about the sisters in France and Turkey, who were fighting to protect their rights in wearing the hijab. They have been denied access in working and education sectors, just because they're trying to protect their dignity; Just because they didn't want insignificant others to see their 'aurat'.

..........

"Why is it the women who have to cover up themselves, but not men? Why don't your God ask the men to cover themselves up too?" the old lady was still unwilling to accept my reason. "Don't you want to feel the breeze in your hair? The warm sunshine?"

"Actually, men do have to cover themselves up. From their knees to their bellybutton," I just blurted those words out.

"Lucy (bukan nama sebenar), the young lady needs to go. She has other things to do," another patient interrupted. Oh yeah, I almost forgot that I still need to serve two more patiens in the next ward.

"Thank you for your concern. But I'm fine like this," and I left the room with a smile, just to make sure that Lucy will not be saddened by what I've said so far to her. But what's more important, I just want her to know, I'm not being oppressed by wearing the hijab.

Lucy was very concern about others and very determined too. She's a fighter, I should say, as she would try her best to fight for things she believes in. A passionate one. All those questions that she asked were the signs telling me how much she cares about me :)

*********************************************

That was an incident a few weeks ago. This week, I encountered another old lady during my school visit, who gave me quite an interesting comments about hijab.

"I can feel that the muslims women who cevered themselves up received more respect than the non-muslims. Even in the bus, in the markets; People respect them. Other people don't look at the muslime women with bad intentions. Their dresses help them to be judged through their personality. The muslim women have good behavior, I should say. They use good words when they speak and they have manners towards other people..."

She was telling me all these, without knowing that I'm a muslim. She wasn't sure actually, until she asked me ,"What is your religion?"

And then, the conversation invited us two to compare the teachings in Islam and Christianity about the oneness of God, prophet Isa a.s., and Maryam, mother of Isa. I told her that there's a surah (chapter) in the Qur'an that is dedicated to Jesus's mother, Mary a.k.a Surah Maryam.

"I'm looking forward to buy the Qur'an with the english translation." she smiled. Oh! How I wish I could give her the Holy Qur'an at that very moment. Before we parted, she said, "Pray for me. Who knows, maybe someday I'll become a muslim." Ya Allah! My heart even skipped a beat upon hearing those words. I was silently praying "Allah, amin, amin, amin" (Allah, grant the wish, grant the wish, grant the wish!).

I hope to see the lady again, next week.

I hope to see Lucy again too, InsyaAllah.

(why hijab topic again? don't you get sick writing this up? huhuhu i just think this is worth to be shared with you; that's all)

religion and daily life

I went to St Paul Primary School for my second school experience here. Just to let you know, it's a catholic school.

What fascinates me most was the scene where the children recited their prayers in chorus, lead by the class teacher. Before and after lunch, they recited : "Thank you Lord for giving me the food...etc". They even recited their prayers before and after lessons. WOW. I do 'heart' this kind of atmosphere :)

I remember those kind of routine existed during my school years, but I never appreciated it before. I remember reciting the du'a in chorus during my kindergarten years; I remember there was always a friend of mine who was on duty to lead the du'a before and after school during primary years. And finally, when it came to secondary school, everyone should be gathering in the assembly area before the school started; and yes, there'd be a guy standing on the podium to recite the du'a which we (I, personally) didn't even care to listen carefully. oh what a retard (me)~~

Oh, the school celebrated St George's day on the last 23rd April. Some of the children from my Year 2 class were chosen to deliver their thank you notes. One of them said, "Thank you Lord for giving me the chance to learn and giving me Mrs Morris. Thank you Lord."

Mrs Morris is the TA in my class, a very responsible and caring aged lady. She helped me a lot during my visits there. Her kindness do make an impact to the children's school experience I dare say; a positive one. :)

But, these are Year 2 students.

I wonder what will happen to these young learners when they grow up. Will what they have practiced during school become part of their later life? Will they practice their religion in the way their teachers have taught them?

But one thing for sure; you can't separate your religion from your life. It should be your way of life. God is not only watching you when you're in the religious gatherings; He watches you ALL THE TIME.

April posto

I haven't posted anything here for a very long time; couldn't find the right thing to be posted anyway. I've saved some drafts, and hopefully will be able to find the finishing touch for all the soon-to-be-posted entries. Sorry everyone~~

There were quite a few things that I would want to publish here, but as I typed the words down, I could see that I was being unreasonable. Some drafts were written just to relinquish my anger, some to share my jovial mood; but all of them were written in a hurry. And I could say, they were all rubbish; not worth it to spend your precious minutes reading them.

I was thinking about deleting all the posts before; but a dear friend of mine told me that this is a life journal. Starting from my very first entry, I should be able to trace back any glimpse of maturity in my writing (ahaha aci kerat jari).

So, InsyaAllah, I'll try to write a good piece each time I want to post something. Titik.

rindu tapi malu

Tadi saya 'paksa' housemate saya duduk bersembang dengan saya sampai pukul 1 pagi, again.

Sebagaimana saya akan panik dan cuba habiskan semua simpanan makanan sebelum saya keluar bercuti, saya akan cuba curi sebanyak mungkin masa seseorang yang saya tahu akan saya rindui. *sorry, kawan*

**************

Tarikh hari ini 14 April 2009. Yup. Saya dah tulis lama bahagian atas tu. Cik minimainimira belum balik dari Egypt. Dah tak sabar nak dengar cerita dari dia. Dah lama sangat tak berbual dengan dia. Si Ana bilik bawah tu pun dah macam tak keruan... iye la, selama ni, mira asyik duk layan dia hahahaha... sakit perut gelak kalau tengok diorang duduk bersembang. Asyik nak kenakan satu sama lain. heheh.

sabar ye, ana. Nanti Kak Mira tu balik la tu.

niat kerana Dia

"macam mana nak tentukan sama ada seseorang tu berubah kerana Allah atau tak?" kawan saya tanya.

PANG! macam kena tampar kat muka rasanya bila ditanya soalan tu. Saya tak sanggup dengar, sampai saya kata, "Stop dulu. Nak digest info. Dah tepu otak." Saya tak sedar bahawa saya telah meletakkan hukuman tanpa bicara antara dua pihak. Saya tak sedar bahawa saya cuma mendengar cerita dari satu pihak sahaja, dan terus membuat kesimpulan tanpa merujuk cerita dari pihak kedua. So unfair. Kawan saya terus-terusan mempersoalkan siapa kita untuk mengklasifikasikan perubahan orang lain, sebab 'niat' adalah sesuatu yang sukar dikesan mata kasar.

Betul soalan sahabat saya tu. Macam mana kita nak tahu sama ada seseorang tu berubah (ke arah kebaikan) Lillahi taala atau tak?

Bukan semua orang Allah bagi kesedaran/hidayah tanpa melalui orang lain. Kadang-kadang, Allah temukan kita dengan seseorang yang akan menjadi asbab/sebab untuk kita mulakan proses perubahan. Tapi lepas tu, bergantung pada orang tu la sama ada mahu membetulkan niatnya atau tak. Kalau niat kerana nak kagumkan manusia, penghargaan duniawi itu sahajalah yang akan diperolehi. Tapi kalau berubah ikhlas kerana Allah dan mengharapkan redha Allah, insyaAllah hatinya akan dituntun oleh Pemilik Hati; jiwanya dipenuhi cinta Illahi. Seeloknya, penghargaan dari manusia itu sudah tidak menjadi isu pokok dalam misi perubahannya.

Ini satu situasi:

A ditegur oleh B sebab asyik buat suara manja-manja dengan pak we dia (uih, lelaki, kalau dengar suara orang pompuan yang dia suka pun bley duk pikiaq bukan-bukan). Si A ni tak tahu yang suara pun boleh buat lelaki jadi tak betul. Jadi, bila dah ditegur oleh B, hari tu jugak A cuba kawal lenggok suara dia demi menjaga perasaan B. Baik.

Tapi, kawan-kawan dia yang lain (si C ke, D ke, G, Z...suka hati la nak kasi huruf apa hehe) tak berapa setuju sebab A berubah dengan sangat drastik. Kawan-kawan yang lain ni risau sebenarnya. Risau bahawa A berubah disebabkan B semata-mata. Lebih baik A fikir semula sama ada wajar atau tak dia meneruskan perubahan itu. Baik.

Yang mana korang rasa A patut buat? Teruskan menjaga perasaan B, atau ikut cakap C,D, G, Z etc?

..........

Kawan-kawan yang risau adalah satu rahmat dari Allah untuk A. B sebagai pemberi peringatan juga adalah kasih sayang dari Allah dalam bentuk seorang manusia. Bagi saya, perubahan tu wajar diteruskan. Tapi, niat perlu diperbetulkan. A tak perlu nak bagitahu satu dunia, "Saya telah berubah kerana Allah Taala" sebab takut nanti kata-kata sedemikian menimbulkan perasaan riak atau perasan bagus; ikhlas adalah satu perasaan yang sangat sukar dicapai, serius cakap.

end of note.

(pS: nyaris demam sebab nak betulkan mindset)

do you sleep wearing ur headscarf?

'A man never tells you anything until he contradicts you.'

**********************************

apa saya perlu jawab pada orang yang mengatakan "I don't believe there's god" ?

"Biarlah. Itu kepercayaan dia."

Biar? Macam mana saya nak biar sedangkan saya tahu kepercayaan dia tak akan bawa dia pada kebaikan pun?

Apa modal yang saya ada, supaya dia ada perasaan nak cari kebenaran tu? Ingat, hidayah tidak datang bergolek. Allah bagi hidayah pada orang yang mencari.

Berdoalah.

Doa? Ya, doa saja yang saya ada. Saya manusia yang tak mampu bagi 'hidayah' pada dia, sebab 'hidayah' adalah milik mutlak Allah.

Oh mak cik, mak cik tahu tak saya sayang kat mak cik sebagai seorang manusia? Macam mana saya nak bagitahu mak cik bahawa Tuhan itu wujud?

Soalan mak cik agak kelakar, "Kalau semua orang mati masuk syurga, macam mana Tuhan nak muatkan semua manusia dalam syurga? I can't accept it! Dari semenjak berapa ribu tahun dahulu, berapa ramai orang dah mati...macam mana nak muatkan semua orang tu?"

Saya cuma mampu cakap, "Manusia sampai sekarang tak mampu jumpa limit angkasa sana. Besar ruang angkasa tu, boleh je nak muat semua orang. And Heaven is beyond expectation."

Saya tipu. Saya cuma cakap ayat yang pertama tu aje. The rest just lingered in my head. Tak guna saya cakap pasal syurga, sebab mak cik tu tak percaya wujudnya Tuhan. Kalau tak percaya Tuhan wujud, cemana nak faham tentang syurga dan Hari Kebangkitan Semula (benda ghaib)?

Ishk.

Oya....asas dia tak percaya adalah sebab, "If there's god, why should people suffer? Why there is so much misery, and bad things happened?"

adakah saya perlu jawab, "saya rasa doktor tak wujud. sebab kat dunia ni, banyak gila orang sakit, dan tak diberi rawatan" ?Perlukah jawab begitu? Saya cuma tersenyum (kambing), dan kepala ligat mencari ayat yang sedikit mantap...mencari, dan mencari. erk, idea makin lama makin meruap ke udara... hilang tanpa kesan... 'blank'.

aduh...mungkin itu bukan jawapan yang terbaik untuk mak cik tu.

Saya nak cakap, kalau tak pergi jumpa doktor tu, macam mana doktor nak bagi rawatan? Tapi, kita kena tahu, SEBAB apa kita sanggup nak jumpa doktor untuk terima rawatan tu? Betul tu, sebab kita PERCAYA kalau kita jumpa doktor, doktor boleh kasi ubat/rawatan untuk penyakit/sakit kita tu. Kita nak sembuh. Kita dah tak mahu penyakit tu!

Sama macam mencari Tuhan. Kita nak sembuh dari penyakit dunia. Tapi, isu pokoknya adalah kita PERCAYA bahawa Tuhan BERKUASA nak bagi rawatan untuk penyakit dunia tu. Isu pokoknya lagi, kita dah tak mahu dah penyakit dunia! Tapi, kalau dalam hati masih tidak mahu berpisah dengan penyakit, tak dapat den nak nolong ha.... Dan soal percaya, adalah soal tentang iman dalam dada. Rukun iman yang pertama? Percaya pada Allah; Percaya pada Tuhan. (note: iman=percaya)

Jadi, mak cik, soalan mak cik "If there's god, why should people suffer? Why there is so much misery, and bad things happened?" ada jawapannya...

Jawapannya, sebab manusia tak percaya pada Tuhan, dan tak mencari pun Tuhan tu. Tak percaya pada kewujudan Tuhan, walaupun dah diberi bukti yang banyak gila. Tak mahu beriman, sebab tak nampak Tuhan depan mata....

*****************

"You have long hair under that scarf, right?" soalan pertama mak cik tu tanya.

(hehehe, boleh pulak mak cik percaya bila saya cakap 'yes' walaupun saya tak tunjuk rambut saya takat mana)

"You don't sleep in that, do you?"

"Hehe. No, we just wear it when we go out from our house, or when there's any male friend around."

(saya tidur pakai tudung masa winter...sejuk~~ dan selalu tidur pakai kain sembahyang, nyaman ^^)

"Do you cover your face?"

"Nope. It's not compulsory. The most important point is that you need to cover all parts of your body, except your face and your palms."

banyak lagi soalan dia tanya tadi, tapi saya tak mampu nak tulis semua exactly macam yang terjadi. Soalan saya cuma satu padanya, "Are you a Christian?" dan begitulah bermulanya cerita macam dari awal entry ni...

.........

Mak cik tu berminat nak tahu kenapa kami berdua berbeza budaya. Tapi, kenapa dia nak tahu? Saya pun berminat nak tahu kenapa hehe... Saya nak tahu apa dia fikir. InsyaAllah, moga hatinya dituntun oleh Pemegang Hati sana. Hidayah tak datang bergolek ....

"Dan apabila hamba-hamba-Ku bertanya kepadamu tentang Aku, maka sesungguhnya Aku dekat. Aku mengabulkan permohonan orang yang berdoa apabila ia berdoa kepada-Ku, maka hendaklah mereka itu memenuhi-Ku, dan hendaklah mereka beriman kepada-Ku, agar mereka selalu berada dalam kebenaran." (Q.s. al-Baqarah: 186)

Allah dekat....

photoshoot March 11, 2009

*tak habis lagi demam badminton...*

Situation:
You bring a watermelon as your snack during badminton practice... but you don't have a knife...

don't worry :)



Lee Yong Dae to the rescue! hehe

jaulah Birmingham yang sebenarnya...

ini men's doubles. Sesi panaskan badan. Yang macam tengah nak bersedia melompat tu adalah Fu Haifeng; setiap kali dia smash, saya nampak asap dari raket/shuttlecock. Berapi~~fuhh. 305kmph.

Ini men's singles. Yup. That's Chong Wei, in white jacket... bermula saat ni, kitorang jerit sekuat hati nak kasi semangat untuk Chong Wei (terutamanya Cik Munirah aka Moon); siap keluarkan bendera Malaysia lagi heheh.

ini mixed doubles; ni masa lawan betul-betul. Nasib baik guards tak perasan saya ambil gambar... kalau tak, naya. Boleh jadi, terus kena rampas kamera huhu.

ok, ok. Apa jadi?
berita utama: Pemain China menang bolot semua gelaran juara; men/women singles, doubles and mixed doubles. Seronoknya, kitorang duduk seat depan, clear view (^^)v
berita tak best: Chong Wei kalah.
berita best: it was a close fight.
berita tak penting: kitorang tak sedih sangat pasal badminton.
informasi tambahan: gambar jadi gelap sebab tak guna flash (nama pun gambar curi*)

*****************

kalau orang tanya, "Apa kau dapat pergi Birm? Semata-mata nak tengok badminton? Buang duit gile."

Saya jawab, "Pergi tengok badminton adalah perancangan kami. Tapi, Allah sebenarnya bagi sesuatu yang lebih baik untuk kami di sana." huhu

****************************

Sedih kami lebih kepada sebab berpisah dengan sisters Birm. Korang memang pandai layan kami berdua; pendengar yang baik belaka. Dan Murni, kitorang pun tak tahu kalau tak ada tiket, tak boleh masuk stadium (><) mintak maaf~~

Moon dan saya terpaksa naik tren berlainan dari Birmingham New Street. Tren saya pukul 7.42PM, dan Moon, 8.20PM. Sebenarnya, kami tak dapat beli tiket tren bersama, entah mengapa 'booking system Crosscountry "weng" sepanjang tempoh kami nak beli tiket tu. Haish.

Tapi, Allah kesiankan kami heheh... maka ditakdirkan, saya bertukar tren di Bristol tu, dan akhirnya, saya naik tren yang sama dengan Moon (^.^) Yup. Kami sampai ke Plymouth bersama-sama. Oh! Teringat kisah Nabilah dan flight delay dari Egypt (^^)

*Balik kepada cerita Moon dan saya*

Moon cerita pada saya, dalam tempoh kami terpisah tu, ada seorang sister dari Pakistan duduk sebelah dia. Mungkin atas dasar sisterhood in Islam (Moon pun dilihat tengah baca Al-Quran masa tu), mereka berdua dapat mempercayai satu sama lain. Sister tu dengan selambanya bagi Moon handphone dia (handphone ke, Moon?) untuk tengok semua gambar-gambar dia semasa musim haji. Apa yang menarik, sister tu menghadiahkan Moon sebuah buku, sebagai tanda ukhuwah sebelum mereka berpisah. Kalau korang, sanggup tak nak bagi barang yang korang baru beli/sayang pada seseorang yang baru dikenali?

MasyaAllah! Sebenarnya, Allah bagi sesuatu yang lebih baik rupanya daripada apa yang kitorang idam-idamkan. Apa yang saya idamkan sebenarnya pergi Birmingham ni? *malu nak cakap, tapi, biarlah saya jujur* Saya cuma mahu menonton pemain Malaysia beraksi di All England 2009. Titik.

Tapi, Allah bagi pada saya merasai manisnya ukhuwah dan pahitnya perpisahan yang perlu dilalui. Allah bagi saya peluang untuk rasa, apa perasaan menziarahi saudara seagama. Kalau nak diikutkan, siapalah saya ni. Kenapalah diorang nak bersusah-payah jemput dan hantar kami? Kenapa tuan rumah rela tidur di atas lantai, sedangkan tetamu tidur beralaskan tilam empuk? Kenapa diorang makan ala kadar, tapi berusaha mengenyangkan tetamu yang datang?

Aduh. Terharu melihat layanan kamu pada kami, sisters. Jazakillah. Walaupun sekejap, tapi sangat bermakna. Murni, at least Murni berjaya jadi tour guide kami~~

Chong Wei!!!! tunggu kitorang¬¬¬

oh yeah. Sekarang saya dan Moon di Birmingham; rumah kenalan kami, Murni. Huhu. Esok akan ke National Indoor Arena (NIA) semata-mata nak tengok All England!! Hoho. Esok kami nak kibarkan bendera Malaysia.

Oh ye! Sedih la pulak nak bagitahu korang... Sarah (housemate Murni) bagitahu, kami tak boleh ambil gambar/video dalam stadium tu...dang!

sekarang saya dah pening/mamai/x betul/weng... sebab lupa nak makan Joy Ride (ubat untuk motion sickness). Oh yeah bebeh...Athirah tengah pening lalat. Maka, esok, kalau sempat, dia akan cuba amik gambar secara sembunyi-sembunyi...ho yeah

(p/s: saya dan moon ingat kitorang je la penyokong Malaysia yang datang dari jauh... cis...dah ramai dah orang Malaysia buat rombongan ke NIA tu...cit...dah tak rasa special hehe)

bahana berlatih dikir barat

apa perasaan korang bila dengar lagu 'anak tupai'?
lagu ni:



kalau korang rasa lagu ni kelakar kerana liriknya, maka hayati balik tiap perkataan yang dinyanyikan...

ade seko anok tupa
tah jula mokte
kudung eko perut lapa
jale cari make
jale cari make

kejadie Tuhe dipanggil namo tupa
asalnya dale hute
sejenih mamalia

kalu pasa jakit kot dehe
diolah yang paling panda
jatuh jare jare
kerano dio tok sobar

sepanda pada tupa melompat
jatuh tanoh jugok
nak wi gamba ore jahat
jange telajak bangok

ore zame dulu
pakak hambak tupa
bimbe ko buah kayu
takuk tok de besa

nyo durie duku
kalo de nyo kerik tupa
pendek tahun tu
nyo durie tokde nak jual

tupa seko orang skampung
berambak hari hari
nya pakat likong nyo pakat plekong
tupa tokleh lari

setakak bedil ado
tupa habih mati
hok ni lah sayo raso
kita sangak rugi

kito manusio
tinggi mano pung kito ngaji
nok wak tupa seko
tentu skali doh tok jadi

lonih kampung atau bandar
jare bulih tengok
bapok tupa ibu tupa
jale bawok anok

raso sie sungguh
tengok seko anok tupa
kerano telajok kuruh
sapo tokleh(nok)niti pagar

bulu bulu pung habih luruh
air mate bera bera
mari dale baruh
bokali kene racun tebaka

entah lah...saya rasa sedih, sebab lagu ni banyak pesanan. Tapi, jarang orang memberikan perhatian terhadap mesej yang ingin disampaikan...

saya sangat suka lagu ni... betul, mula-mula dengar, saya gelak memanjang sebab lagu ni dinyanyikan dalam dialek Kelantan. Tapi, bila dengar betul-betul, tak mampu dah nak gelak. Kejamnya manusia, sampai tak rasa nyawa haiwan tu pun berharga...

Anak tupai tu, dah kudung ekornya...tupai yang kudung ekor, boleh ke dia melompat dari dahan ke dahan yang lain? Bukankah ekor tu berfungsi menyeimbangkan badannya semasa dia melompat? Kesian. Anak tupai ni, dah cacat...

Sabar: Pilihan

elaun baru masuk... dan saya terseksa T.T

(kenapa terseksa?? apa punya pelik la dia nih...duit ada pun terseksa?)

begini ceritanya...

masa elaun belum masuk, saya boleh je bertahan dengan apa yang ada. Makan sekadar apa yang ada. Tak ada hajat nak pergi berjalan mana-mana pun. Tak ada keinginan hatta nak buat online shopping sekalipun...

Sekarang duit dah ada. Saya memang berkeinginan nak beli itu dan ini... tapi, bila difikirkan balik, saya sayang duit yang baru masuk ni T_T

Sahabat saya bagitahu, "Kenapa nak sayang duit? Rezeki kan Allah yang bagi."

ZAPP!...aduh, sengal sekejap jantung heheh. Saya bukan takut duit saya abes... saya cuma mahu menahan diri daripada membeli sesuatu yang tak perlu yang akhirnya membuatkan saya menyesal sebab membazir duit. Orait? Maka hati, bersabarlah. Duit tu mungkin boleh guna untuk benda lain.

Oya! Lupa pulak. Sebenarnya, persoalan yang selalu berlegar dalam kepala saya adalah, "sebab apa sabar itu senang bila saya tak ada duit, sedangkan bila saya ada duit, makin susah saya nak kawal diri??"

Hohoho... nak dijadikan cerita, kawan saya, Nabilah bagi buku 'Patience and Gratitude' karya Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah (translated by Nasiruddin al-Khattab), dan suruh saya baca untuk mengisi masa lapang. Toib, saya pun baca. (Sebenarnya, saya pun ada buku ni, cuma terlepas pandang beberapa muka surat penting Z.z heheh).

It was stated in the book, "Patience at the time of adversity is easier than at the time of ease". One of the salaf said, "Believers and unbelievers alike may have patience at the time of adversity, but only people of strong faith can have the patience at the time of ease."

Cuba bersabar ketika senang adalah lebih payah berbanding ketika kita susah. Sebabnya? Sebab kita ada pilihan dalam membuat keputusan ketika senang. Faham ke? Contoh paling mudah untuk saya bagi, adalah bab makanan (duhh heheh). Kalau kita lapar tapi kita tak ada makanan (no access to food), sangat senang untuk kita bersabar dalam situasi begini. Boleh je bertahan, hidup je heheh. Tapi, bila makanan terhidang depan mata, mintak maaf la, tak toleh kiri kanan dah...laju je tangan ambil makanan tu...ngapp! err, itulah saya huhu.

(kami , di Pizza Hut, tanpa duit. Cuma mampu beli aiskrim, roti Tesco dan satu pizza T.T memori)

Oya, pasal duit pulak, sama je ceritanya. Bila tak ada duit, saya boleh je memilih barang yang sangat diperlukan. Tapi, bila tahu duit ada banyak, saya jadi rambang mata; semua benda pun nampak penting... aduh. Saya suka tengok kawan-kawan yang pandai berjimat, dan pandai menguruskan kewangan mereka. Sangat bagus... dan saya rasa mereka sangat pandai :) Lebih-lebih lagi yang dah berfikir nak laburkan duit mereka beli aset; tanah la, rumah la...hmmm... memang tak tercapai akalku..mungkin satu hari nanti (^^)

Seronok pulak cerita pasal sabar nih...nanti saya sambung ek heheh~~kena hadam isi buku nih dulu ~~

koreksyen! correction!

barbican dan barbarian bukan benda yang sama

vendetta dan venetta juga bukan perkara yang sama
hooker dan hawker sama sekali berbeza

kenapa saya tak nampak???? kenapa kadang-kadang perkara mudah macam ni pun saya boleh keliru?

Dalam perkara sebegini, saya banyak menyedari kesilapan tatabahasa setelah ditegur oleh orang-orang di sekeliling. Jarang-jarang sahaja saya berupaya dengan sendirinya menyedari bahawa saya telah keliru dengan pemilihan kata yang hampir-hampir serupa. Tak teliti heheh.

Itu sebenarnya cuma pembuka bicara entry kali ini. Apa yang saya nak sampaikan kali ni ye? oh, tentang memberi peringatan.

Katakan seorang kawan saya menyedari bahawa saya telah keliru dengan istilah-istilah di atas; saya guna 'hooker' untuk merujuk kepada 'hawker' (contoh ayat: Eh, that's the hooker i'm talking about. Sate dia sedap!)

err...tapi, kawan saya nih buat tak tahu je dengan kesalahan yang telah saya lakukan... BERMAKNA, pada masa akan datang, ada kemungkinan untuk saya mengulangi kesalahan tersebut di hadapan orang lain... dan memalukan diri sendiri... lebih-lebih lagi yang nak jadi cikgu bahasa inggeris nih... "Eh cikgu nih, hooker dan hawker pun tak boleh beza ke??" sindir anak murid itu... Wuwuwuwuuwuw; mesti saya tak tahu nak letak muka saya kat mana; maruah tercalar beb. ok ok, emo plak.

But that's one of the possibilities, if the mistakes haven't been corrected by anyone. Letting your friends believe that they are right when actually they aren't is an act of 'kezaliman'. In this case, your intention to correct your friends is not to humiliate him or her in public; you simply do it as an act of love :) ...because you don't want your friends to be humiliated by others for the same mistakes she/he makes.

Seperti dalam kehidupan biasa, lumrah kehidupan seorang manusia tidak terlepas dari membuat kesalahan. Ada yang membuat kesilapan di awal pekerjaan, ada yang di pertengahan, dan ada yang di akhir pekerjaan. Allah dah aturkan sedemikian, supaya kita saling memberi peringatan dan membetulkan kesalahan yang dilakukan. Sebab lumrah manusia susah nak nampak kesalahan dan kelemahan diri sendiri, kan?

Siapa yang layak untuk menegur?
Siapa-siapa sahaja. Tapi, perlulah berteraskan al-quran dan sunnah. Maksud saya, kalau seorang yang tak tutup aurat menegur kawannya yang nak pakai tudung, "Em, tak cantiklah kau pakai tudung. Kau nampak lagi chubby pakai tudung. emmm, baju kau nih labuh sangat la, lagi nampak kau gemuk." AH! Kalau nasihat hasutan macam ni, seeloknya masuk-telinga-kanan-keluar-telinga-kiri sudah...tak membantu iman pun.

Tapi, kalau yang tak tutup aurat tu bagitahu, "Emm, aku rasa kalau kau pakai pakaian yang kemas sikit, eloklah. Ni apa baju tak gosok nih??" hehehhe...terima la teguran sedemikian, sebab kekemasan tu pun adalah sunnah. Tak kira la dia tu siapa, yang penting tegurannya membuatkan kita mengikut syarak dan mencontohi sunnah.

Apa jenis peringatan yang perlu kita sampaikan?
Peringatan yang meningkatkan iman, yang membantu membuang sifat-sifat jahiliyyah dari dalam diri. Peringatan itu kadang-kadang ada yang perlu disampaikan secara halus, dan ada juga yang perlu dikeraskan, sesuai dengan konteks penyampaian.

Contoh: Saya susah nak bangun pagi untuk subuh (nauzubillah), dan adik saya cuba kejutkan. Dia sangat faham bahawa saya akan kejar dia kalau dia jirus air kat muka saya. Maka dia pun meggulung kertas dan menghalakan salah satu hujung kertas itu pada telinga saya. Dia menjerit, "MARABBUKA????" ...Maka, terasa bagai berhenti sejenak jantung saya bila mendengar ayat tu (cis...eh...thanks adik ;>). Saya terus terjaga, cerah mata saya, tak mengantuk terus. Itu dikira peringatan jugak. Peringatan secara tersiratnya adalah, 'Kau ingat kalau kau mati, kau dah cukup amal ibadat? Kau ni dah dijamin masuk syurga la nih sampai tak payah sembahyang? Kau ingat kau boleh jawab soalan dalam kubur nanti kalau tak sembah Allah sekarang?'...uhhh...

***************

'Kecil jangan disangka anak, besar jangan disangka bapak'... kadang-kadang Allah kurniakan nikmat kefahaman Islam pada generasi yang lebih muda. Ini adalah salah satu cabaran, sebab orang tua selalunya agak susah nak ditegur atas alasan "aku lebih dulu makan garam". Kalau seorang anak nak menegur ibu bapanya, tegur secara halus, demi menjaga maruah mereka berdua.

Teringat pula akan satu pengalaman saya dengan seorang teman. Dia berkonflik dengan keluarganya. Memanglah yang dia perlukan pada waktu tu adalah sokongan dan pembelaan terhadap dirinya. Saya pada waktu tersebut tidak yakin bahawa keluarga kawan saya itu 100% bersalah. Semestinya saya mahu dia ceria kembali dan melupakan kesedihan itu. Tapi, pada masa yang sama, saya tidak mahu kata-kata saya menambah kebenciannya terhadap ahli keluarganya. Apa saya sanggup jika di hadapan Allah nanti mereka sekeluarga meminta saya bertanggungjawab kerana memecah-belahkan keluarga mereka? OHHH~~ Lalu, saya cakap, "Sabarlah. Parents kau sayang sebenarnya kat kau. Sebab tu diorang buat macam ni. Diorang nak kau balik je kat diorang. Diorang rindu tu sebenarnya, tapi malu-malu nak cakap heheh." Saya cuba berlawak, tapi tak kena tempat.... nasihat tak diterima :(

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Sebenarnya, nak menerima teguran bukan perkara yang mudah, sebab ianya memerlukan perubahan pada mind-set . Mula la otak bercelaru, sebab nak 'assimilate' dan 'adapt' dengan maklumat baru. Tapi, percanggahan sebegini lah yang kita perlukan, sebab baru kita belajar.

"A man never tells you anything until you contradict him"

George Bernard Shaw

"Maka berilah peringatan, kerana peringatan itu bermanfaat" (alQuran 87:9)

"Demi masa. Sungguh, manusia berada dalam kerugian, kecuali bagi orang-orang yang beriman dan mengerjakan kebajikan serta saling menasihati untuk kebenaran dan saling menasihati untuk kesabaran" (alQuran 103: 1-3)